Why GOD Never Received Tenure
1. Only one major publication
2. ..in Hebrew
3. ..no references
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. There are some doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
8. Never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
9. When experiment went awry, tried to cover it by drowning subjects.
10. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, deleted them from sample.
11. Rarely came to class and just told students to read the book.
12. Expelled the first two students for learning too much.
13. Only had ten requirements, but most of his students failed them.
14. Office hours infrequent and usually held on mountain top.
UPDATE: A comment on a friend's LJ adds rumors that he might have gotten his son to teach important lessons.
It occurred to me that if there were a Muslim version of this, we could add poor proofreading in the form of all those random letters he left at the beginning of chapters.